I Have Moved

Dearest Reader,

I have created a new online presence for myself at www.kateschatz.tumblr.com. I feel like this blog has served its purpose, and I want to preserve it as is, and move on to something else. It is called HELP YOU TO SEE FOREVER TOO and it is lots of photos and moments and quick impressions of the lives we are living. This blog will continue to exist as an archive of a time in my life; please visit my new space for the next chapter. XOXO

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Baby bonnet, baby sonnet

I don't much feel like writing about sleep, or the lack of it, or how to solve baby sleep problems, or whether baby sleep problems are actually problems, or what to do and whether to cry and blah blah blah. Cuz it's all pretty much been said, and it's all evershifting and new and mysterious and baffling and, ultimately, fleeting. But I digress. I'm teaching sonnets and villanelles and sestinas to my high school students next month and I figured I should try to practice what I plan to preach.

Baby Sonnet #1

I tried to write a sonnet in my head while you were crying
Arranging words and counting lines and minutes on the clock
Be patient and be kind and oh be present I am trying
The streetlight glow the dark backyard and I recheck the lock

At times like this, the night’s midpoint, I know there are no theories
(Though studies done in Sweden show there’s no such thing as teething)
You whimper sigh and shift around, at times release the furies
Or I wake scared to silent home and have to check your breathing

My love he wants to interact, to process and engage
And I’m like no, this robot-mom must focus and preserve
My sleep my rest my sanity as night it turns the page
But thank you dear, your arm so warm, such comfort in your curve

And then we bring you into bed, curled sweet around each other
Your mouth insists in dreams I drift my god I am a mother

Six Months In

Oh hi, blog. How's it going. Great. Happy 2010! What a decade it's been, what a year 2009 was, what an explosion of words and sounds and milestones and solid foods and walking and laughing and learning 2010 will be. The Ivy Cat continues to be awesome, expressive, loud, voracious, adorable. We continue to be in awe, in love, in over our heads, into it. Working hard to stay calm and grounded and not let myself get too overwhelmed by the many many things there are to do around the house, etc. Getting ready for new emotions and expressions from this baby, who's definitely making a 6 month shift...communicating more, developing more attachments, pulling herself up to standing sometimes (!?!), continuing to dislike being on her belly, but reaching for this and wanting to move around (she scoots on her back a lot!). She goes in the swings at the park! She ate a little bit of banana! She loves the dog and the cat! She wears tiny little shoes!

In other news, the world does not actually revolve around my baby. Only partially. The rest of the world revolves around my friend's babies, and the babies who will be born to friends of mine between March and May...I believe there's 5. FIVE! Amazing. (Note: the world also revolves around my dear husband.) I am thrilled for these new additions to already-awesome families, and to continue my vague, irregular project of advice-giving, here's a totally incomplete list of Baby Objects I'm Really Glad We Own (Most of Which We Found For Free or Really Cheap or Were Given):

Aden + Anais swaddle blankets: big, breathable, soft, cute, lightweight. Perfect for swaddling, laying baby atop of, light blanket, sun shield, whathaveyou. Totally perfect for spring/summer babies when you wanna wrap em up, but don't want them to be too hot.

Infant Carseat: There are basically two choices for carseats: rear-facing infant seats, which snap in and out of a base, and can be plopped into a stroller thing, and convertible seats, which can face rear and then turn around and face forward when baby is big enough. The benefit of the latter is only having to buy/borrow one seat from birth-toddler. However, the advantages of the infant seat are huge. Loved being able to carry her around in it when she fell asleep, etc. now she's too heavy to cart around, but it's still convenient. We never managed to get the stroller frame that it clicks into, but I kinda wish we had. We're now ready to switch to the convertible, cuz my baby's huge, and I plan to buy one off CL. I'm hoping to get a Britax Marathon Convertible. Cuz apparently that's what I should get. (The Marathon is more expensive than the Roundabout, but it's taller, and lasts thru toddler years. Plus Ivy is super tall, so I need that).

Breast Pump: Love it. Got it for free (thanks, my mom's neighbor who I've never met!), wasn't sure if I'd use it, now am soooooo glad for it. It's the key to your freedom, and to relieving crazy engorged boobs early on. Mine's a Medela Pump in Style I think. It's fancy, yada yada, get one used. You can buy new sterile parts for it (or just boil the used ones. No biggie) I'm still not a huge fan of the actual act of pumping, but I'm a massive fan of being able to leave the baby for more than an hour and know that she'll be fed and happy.

Ergo baby carrier: Everyone's got their own opinion on carriers based on what the baby likes, what feels best for the parent, etc. We used a sling at the beginning, and then the Bjorn for a bit, but both were too heavy and hard on my shoulder/s. You can start using the Ergo at about 3 months (before that their hips can't handle the splayed position) and I looooooove it and so does she. It's pricey, but really worth it IMHO. Supports your back and shoulders, cozy and warm for baby, has a little pocket for phone, keys, etc. We wear her in in pretty much every day.

Bouncy chair: I believe I've already covered this. But it's crucial. We have this one. Mom got it for $5 at a thriftstore! She now can almost squirm out of it, but for the first 5 months, it was a lifesaver.

Hella socks: Trumpette's are ridiculously cute, and I have no idea why they dominate the baby sock market, but they do. So many patterns, and so freakin cute. Once the baby can remove socks, you will realize the importance of having many, many socks.

Activity Gym: She loves this thing. We have kinds of random hand-me-down gadgets that attach to it and she can play there for a while. Yay.

Sophie le Girafe: It's a squeaky rubber giraffe that every baby on earth seems to have. Not essential by any means, but Ivy loves it. Go figure.

I'll stop there.

What Do You Mean It's Only 5:15? It's Dark!

I know it happens every year, but somehow this year's falling-back seems...different. Like, suckier. Like, I really really notice it, especially since we've started a backyard project and all the sudden there's this rapidly setting sun that I'm racing against as I frantically try to dig holes and spread bat shit (guano fertilizer!) on my new plants. Ivy has been kind enough to sit in her pink bouncy chair (NOTE TO ADVICE-SEEKING MOMS-TO-BE: BOUNCY CHAIRS ARE TOTALLY CRUCIAL. More on that later) and watch me garden, and I get all excited thinking about her joining me in a few years...And by that point, I might actually know what the hell I'm doing.

I'll post pictures of this project soon. I'll also write more advice. And post some videos of Ivy ROLLING and ALMOST SITTING UP and probably some of her ENJOYING HER FIRST THANKSGIVING!

But it's 10:23pm and you know what? I'm gonna get in bed. Because I can. And because I want to. And because it's Tuesday, and there's no good TV on.

Also: I got my IUD today. IUD! Can't say it was a pleasurable procedure, especially when the Dr. dropped one of the instruments and had to page a nurse to bring her a new, sterile one, which did not happen immediately, which meant that I laid on the table all dilated and speculum-ed for way longer than one would want, but luckily I had my Crackberry, which meant I could play Word Mole, the crackiest game of them all. The nurse finally found the replacement sterile thing, and shazam, I'm 99.9% not gonna make another baby for a while. Phew.

But what was I saying about Daylight Savings time? And how it's all dark all early now? And how by 6pm it seems sooooooo late? I dunno. Whatever. It happens. Good night!

Ivy Cat Cracks Up!

Ivy has been cracking up a lot lately—she's been giggling/laughing for a while, but now she's into full-on breathless guffawing. It's amazing. Mostly she likes when we jump up and down and make asses of ourselves. Get her every time.

This is definitely one of my favorite developments thus far...

Piecemeal Mama Advice, Con't

Every time I think about which gems of advice to dole out when I have a moment to sit down and write I get overwhelmed and my brain swirls with random tidbits of information that I feel I must convey. And I think I should organize these thoughts and apply some kind of structure or system to the doling, but then I realize that scattershot blogging and advice-giving serves as an accurate representation of How My Mind Works Now. Like:

—You'll be amazed by how much your boobs leak. Everyone is different, yes, and I have friends who squirted and soaked, and friends who never really made much of a mess. But be prepared, cuz you never know. My milk just 'regulated' a few weeks ago, and up until then I was wearing breast pads at all times (except for the many times when I forgot them, due to mom brain, and went to Home Depot and had to rush out with my arms crossed across my chest). You can either use disposable breast pads or reusable ones that you wash (those links are for just some of the many options out there). I definitely preferred using the washable ones, for environmental and comfort reasons, but for the first month or so the disposables were the only ones that actually worked. I soaked right through the hippie cotton ones. Eventually I would use the washable ones in the day and the disposables at night (you have sleep with some sort of bra or tank-top-bra thing on. The pads can still shift around, though, and I just got used to wet spots on the bed...) But seriously: I did not get the importance of breast pads until my milk came in and I was like HOLY SHIT THERE IS MILK SHOOTING OUT OF MY BOOBS AND SOAKING ALL MY CLOTHES! So: ADVICE! Buy breast pads! Have 'em at the ready! Put 'em in your purse, your diaper bag, your car. Leaving the house and realizing that you've forgotten to stick them in your bra really freaking sucks. Toilet paper stuffed in your bra does not hold a candle to the breast pad. Trust me.

—One of the things that's been incredibly challenging for me is remembering shit and keeping straight all the little things I need to do, buy, get, order, etc. Granted, I am not a terribly organized person (despite my Virgoness) but other mamas have concurred that Mom Brain is no joke. It put my pregnesia to shame. I do believe that it's some deep biological shit intended to keep up totally focused on the survival and growth of our babies. And that's great, but you need to leave the cave and get shit done after a while. I can't tell you how many times I've remembered things while in the shower or in the car, only to them get home/get out of the shower, pick up the baby, change her diapers, change her clothes, nurse her, answer the phone...and the thing I remembered just disappears. It drove me crazy for a while. If you already have a good system for organizing your to-dos in place, then right on, stick with it. I definitely did not have this, and now I just use the to-do app on my Blackberry, and I do it RIGHT when I think of the thing. I tried writing things down in a notebook, but I would inevitably misplace the notebook; I always have my phone with or near, so that's worked for me.

—I cannot emphasize enough the importance of a) an engaged, active, supportive, patient partner b) a supportive community of friends and family c) a community of other new mamas (and papas). I feel so lucky to have all three, and know that, for various reasons, it's not always possible to have all three. I didn't have any pregnant friends when I got pregnant, but through mutual friends, my midwife, a few new mom groups, a bunch of emails and a lot of gregarious chutzpah, I now have a pretty extensive crew of new mamas and babies to hang out with. The key is really to find people with whom you'd be friends even if there were no babies involved—it's really great to be able to talk about diapers and breastfeeding as well as non-baby related things. At this stage, it's mostly about us, as our babies are too young to really interact, but it's so great to be able to spend time with people who know what you're going through, and who can offer advice and perspective. And it's so exciting to think of our babies growing and developing together.

There's much more to be said about the family and friends and the supportive awesome partner, but my brain is ready to move on now. And my shoulder hurts. And I'm hungry.

And in case you're wondering where Ivy is...she's with her Auntie Aubrey, aka her babysitter, and today is Thursday, aka Kate's Day, when I am baby-free and can write, go visit Kim in SF , buy Buzz's flea medicine, and, in general, have some delicious time to myself. What was I saying about the importance of supportive family? Yes. Exactly. Thanks Aubs!

A Few Recent Pics

Ivy met Jesus in Salt Lake City
And she was a total angel at cousin Adrienne's wedding
And she a precious perfect pumpkin on the flight out there

And she wore a ridiculously over-sized bee costume (courtesy of cousin Madeline) and hung out with a ladybug (Ginger Crash), Bruce Lee (Nikko), and a pirate (Io)

Another Note on the Name of this Blog

Awhile back, when I re-entered/restarted/revived this blog, I write an explanation-of-sorts re: the title. And I thought I'd revisit that explanation, as it seems time to do so, and it also functions as a kind of advice-to-new-parents. Because parenting, thus far, is certainly one big experiment. It is something we have never, ever done in our lives. Certainly, we've done things that vaguely resemble parenting in some way—having pets, babysitting, taking care of younger siblings, watching movies with parents in them, thinking about parenting, etc—but nothing, not all the how-to books/websites/blogs/advice in the world can prepare you for this singular and mind-blowing experience. Every day is new, every moment is new, every tiny development and concern and shift and change and milestone is a first. And like my preferred method of making soup, I sometimes use a recipe for guidance or inspiration (the advice, the how-to books), and I have a general (yet ever-changing) arsenal of reliable ingredients (patting, shhhhing, bouncing, singing, the stuffed fox, the yoga ball, this weird tube that's like a hippie rain stick for babies that she totally loves) but I'm adding news things, and I'm always kind of making it up.

And getting it right is very, very satisfying. And when you kind of mess up, or your once-reliable ingredient no longer suits the soup, you learn very quickly, and you figure it out (ok, we're NOT into bouncing right now), and you improvise (don't like the fox right now? Awesome, no problem—look, a sock! Let's play with a SOCK!!!).

And, if I may stretch this poor, abused metaphor out any further: Each day of experimenting with this new role and this new creature is—like a cozy, yummy, love-infused soup—super delicious.

Piecemeal Mama Advice

I've got this plan to write a big 'ol post filled with all the wisdom and secret tricks and product recommendations that have made their way into my brain over the past 4+ months. And oh, I've thought a lot about what to write. But oh, I never manage to do it.

Case in point: I am now typing this one-handed because I am nursing. And it's not even my good hand.

So rather than one big long crafted post, I'll try to offer my thoughts in the tiny bursts that this baby allows.

Thought #1: Once you have a baby, it becomes really hard to get anything done. It WILL all get done (mostly) but it will take a long time. I could elaborate, but I can't right now. Let's just say it took me over 10 minutes just to write this.

Ch ch ch changes

Hello, 4 month old baby! You are freaking cute, among other things. You're also incredibly smiley, and quite talkative, especially in the mornings, when you release an endless stream of chatter and gurgles and coos and mmmmppprrrggrshsssss. Yesterday you rolled over for the first time, though I didn't actually see it. You were on your activity mat, eating your toes (your current favorite activity) and rolling onto your side. Then I went into my bedroom and a few moments later I heard you fussing. I emerged to find you on your stomach, fairly confused as to how you got there and unsure as to what to do. You'll figure it out soon enough. Yay!

Other developments I'm noticing: your head control is excellent, and your legs are wicked strong. You seem to be trying to sit up—when you're propped up against pillows, you strain to bring your head forward. You're still too floppy and unbalanced to do it on your own, but you seem to be trying. Also, you notice the dog now! And the cat. You watch them and smile and laugh. Speaking of smiling and laughing, you crack up every time you see your Grandpa Doug. Something about his face and his shiny head I guess...

You also seem to be noticing food, and the act of eating that goes along with it. It'll be awhile before you take part, but it's cool to see you raptly watching as the food goes to the mouth.

Aaaaand you're also totally making a sound that sounds like "mama." Just sayin'.

Our Daughter, the Keyboardist