Every time I think about which gems of advice to dole out when I have a moment to sit down and write I get overwhelmed and my brain swirls with random tidbits of information that I feel I must convey. And I think I should organize these thoughts and apply some kind of structure or system to the doling, but then I realize that scattershot blogging and advice-giving serves as an accurate representation of How My Mind Works Now. Like:
—You'll be amazed by how much your boobs leak. Everyone is different, yes, and I have friends who squirted and soaked, and friends who never really made much of a mess. But be prepared, cuz you never know. My milk just 'regulated' a few weeks ago, and up until then I was wearing breast pads at all times (except for the many times when I forgot them, due to mom brain, and went to Home Depot and had to rush out with my arms crossed across my chest). You can either use disposable breast pads or reusable ones that you wash (those links are for just some of the many options out there). I definitely preferred using the washable ones, for environmental and comfort reasons, but for the first month or so the disposables were the only ones that actually worked. I soaked right through the hippie cotton ones. Eventually I would use the washable ones in the day and the disposables at night (you have sleep with some sort of bra or tank-top-bra thing on. The pads can still shift around, though, and I just got used to wet spots on the bed...) But seriously: I did not get the importance of breast pads until my milk came in and I was like HOLY SHIT THERE IS MILK SHOOTING OUT OF MY BOOBS AND SOAKING ALL MY CLOTHES! So: ADVICE! Buy breast pads! Have 'em at the ready! Put 'em in your purse, your diaper bag, your car. Leaving the house and realizing that you've forgotten to stick them in your bra really freaking sucks. Toilet paper stuffed in your bra does not hold a candle to the breast pad. Trust me.
—One of the things that's been incredibly challenging for me is remembering shit and keeping straight all the little things I need to do, buy, get, order, etc. Granted, I am not a terribly organized person (despite my Virgoness) but other mamas have concurred that Mom Brain is no joke. It put my pregnesia to shame. I do believe that it's some deep biological shit intended to keep up totally focused on the survival and growth of our babies. And that's great, but you need to leave the cave and get shit done after a while. I can't tell you how many times I've remembered things while in the shower or in the car, only to them get home/get out of the shower, pick up the baby, change her diapers, change her clothes, nurse her, answer the phone...and the thing I remembered just disappears. It drove me crazy for a while. If you already have a good system for organizing your to-dos in place, then right on, stick with it. I definitely did not have this, and now I just use the to-do app on my Blackberry, and I do it RIGHT when I think of the thing. I tried writing things down in a notebook, but I would inevitably misplace the notebook; I always have my phone with or near, so that's worked for me.
—I cannot emphasize enough the importance of a) an engaged, active, supportive, patient partner b) a supportive community of friends and family c) a community of other new mamas (and papas). I feel so lucky to have all three, and know that, for various reasons, it's not always possible to have all three. I didn't have any pregnant friends when I got pregnant, but through mutual friends, my midwife, a few new mom groups, a bunch of emails and a lot of gregarious chutzpah, I now have a pretty extensive crew of new mamas and babies to hang out with. The key is really to find people with whom you'd be friends even if there were no babies involved—it's really great to be able to talk about diapers and breastfeeding as well as non-baby related things. At this stage, it's mostly about us, as our babies are too young to really interact, but it's so great to be able to spend time with people who know what you're going through, and who can offer advice and perspective. And it's so exciting to think of our babies growing and developing together.
There's much more to be said about the family and friends and the supportive awesome partner, but my brain is ready to move on now. And my shoulder hurts. And I'm hungry.
And in case you're wondering where Ivy is...she's with her Auntie Aubrey, aka her babysitter, and today is Thursday, aka Kate's Day, when I am baby-free and can write, go visit Kim in SF , buy Buzz's flea medicine, and, in general, have some delicious time to myself. What was I saying about the importance of supportive family? Yes. Exactly. Thanks Aubs!
—You'll be amazed by how much your boobs leak. Everyone is different, yes, and I have friends who squirted and soaked, and friends who never really made much of a mess. But be prepared, cuz you never know. My milk just 'regulated' a few weeks ago, and up until then I was wearing breast pads at all times (except for the many times when I forgot them, due to mom brain, and went to Home Depot and had to rush out with my arms crossed across my chest). You can either use disposable breast pads or reusable ones that you wash (those links are for just some of the many options out there). I definitely preferred using the washable ones, for environmental and comfort reasons, but for the first month or so the disposables were the only ones that actually worked. I soaked right through the hippie cotton ones. Eventually I would use the washable ones in the day and the disposables at night (you have sleep with some sort of bra or tank-top-bra thing on. The pads can still shift around, though, and I just got used to wet spots on the bed...) But seriously: I did not get the importance of breast pads until my milk came in and I was like HOLY SHIT THERE IS MILK SHOOTING OUT OF MY BOOBS AND SOAKING ALL MY CLOTHES! So: ADVICE! Buy breast pads! Have 'em at the ready! Put 'em in your purse, your diaper bag, your car. Leaving the house and realizing that you've forgotten to stick them in your bra really freaking sucks. Toilet paper stuffed in your bra does not hold a candle to the breast pad. Trust me.
—One of the things that's been incredibly challenging for me is remembering shit and keeping straight all the little things I need to do, buy, get, order, etc. Granted, I am not a terribly organized person (despite my Virgoness) but other mamas have concurred that Mom Brain is no joke. It put my pregnesia to shame. I do believe that it's some deep biological shit intended to keep up totally focused on the survival and growth of our babies. And that's great, but you need to leave the cave and get shit done after a while. I can't tell you how many times I've remembered things while in the shower or in the car, only to them get home/get out of the shower, pick up the baby, change her diapers, change her clothes, nurse her, answer the phone...and the thing I remembered just disappears. It drove me crazy for a while. If you already have a good system for organizing your to-dos in place, then right on, stick with it. I definitely did not have this, and now I just use the to-do app on my Blackberry, and I do it RIGHT when I think of the thing. I tried writing things down in a notebook, but I would inevitably misplace the notebook; I always have my phone with or near, so that's worked for me.
—I cannot emphasize enough the importance of a) an engaged, active, supportive, patient partner b) a supportive community of friends and family c) a community of other new mamas (and papas). I feel so lucky to have all three, and know that, for various reasons, it's not always possible to have all three. I didn't have any pregnant friends when I got pregnant, but through mutual friends, my midwife, a few new mom groups, a bunch of emails and a lot of gregarious chutzpah, I now have a pretty extensive crew of new mamas and babies to hang out with. The key is really to find people with whom you'd be friends even if there were no babies involved—it's really great to be able to talk about diapers and breastfeeding as well as non-baby related things. At this stage, it's mostly about us, as our babies are too young to really interact, but it's so great to be able to spend time with people who know what you're going through, and who can offer advice and perspective. And it's so exciting to think of our babies growing and developing together.
There's much more to be said about the family and friends and the supportive awesome partner, but my brain is ready to move on now. And my shoulder hurts. And I'm hungry.
And in case you're wondering where Ivy is...she's with her Auntie Aubrey, aka her babysitter, and today is Thursday, aka Kate's Day, when I am baby-free and can write, go visit Kim in SF , buy Buzz's flea medicine, and, in general, have some delicious time to myself. What was I saying about the importance of supportive family? Yes. Exactly. Thanks Aubs!
1 comment:
Honestly, for advice, I like your tone and manner and what you're saying better than anything I've found in print. But that's not surprising, really. I mean, what's in print is not by actual writers... you know?
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