The Dude Who Named The Thing I Feel

(This post title would make a pretty sweet album name, no?)

So I am now experiencing what are known as 'Braxton Hicks contractions'—painless uterine contractions that can begin as early as the 6th week of pregnancy, but are generally not felt until the third trimester (many women feel them earlier; some don't really feel them at all. Thus is the idiosyncratic nature of preg). I was having them before I felt them, as my midwife informed me when she touched my belly and felt the muscles contract. Now I can detect a sensation that can best be described as a tightening—it's subtle and totally painless and is my body's way of preparing my uterus for the insane contractions to come. They also function to prepare the baby for the insane sensations to come—a gentle ramping up, if you will, a training session. Like maybe if you were preparing to walk on hot coals you might start off by holding your feet near a fireplace, or if you were going to run an ultra-marathon you might begin with a jog around the block. Point is, it's a cool thing that the body does to get in shape for the real deal. BH contractions tend to remain pretty mellow, but as the due date approaches, they can get more intense, and are often confused with real contractions—what people call 'false labor'.

This is all well and good, you're thinking. How interesting, how neat. But perhaps you're wondering where this phenomenon got its name? Who or what was this "Braxton Hicks" and how did such a name become affixed to such a physical process? Guess.

GUESS.

Was it a pregnant woman with a hyphenated last name who published an article about her tightening belly? A collaborative effort between two midwives? Is it Latin for "painless uterine contractions"?

Ok, I guess the post title gave it away. But even without it, I'm sure you would've guessed that, obviously, none of those are correct, because, as with most Things in this world (cities, countries, medical procedures, buildings, whathaveyou; not so with ships, 50% of hurricanes, etc) Braxton Hicks contractions are named for...a dude. A British dude. A 19th century British doctorman discoverer dude. Yes, Dr. John Braxton Hicks, the Columbus (or Vespucci, take yr pick) of my uterine contractions.

The American Pregnancy Association puts it this way: It all started in 1872 when an English doctor, John Braxton Hicks, described the contractions that occur before real labor. Can you imagine constantly thinking,"This must be it," and then it wasn't? Doctors and pregnant women have Dr. Hicks to thank for clearing up all the confusion.

So, thank you Dr. Hicks! I'm sure that women all over the world breathed a collective sigh of deep relief when Dr. Hicks announced this incredible description, thus alleviating their immense, centuries-old confusion—as certainly no pregnant woman had ever described them before! Thousands of years of pregnancy and birth and all these baffled ignorant women, unable to speak the name of their helpful contractions. Without you, Dr. Hicks, I would be all like "what is this strange sensation that I cannot describe or understand and what can I possibly call it?" Ah, medicine. Ah, obstetrics. I can't imagine where we pregnant women would be without the brilliant men who have described, dissected, and determined our bodies and births. Probably in some forest hut surrounded by witches, in some icky primitive position—like a squat!—grunting and pushing out little heathens.

Ok, I know, men have made Very Important Contributions to the field of Obstetrics and Gynecology. I am but a hysterical (see: Freud, 'Anna O', etc) pregnant feminist, annoyed that I have to keep using some dead white doctor dude's name to describe this cool new feeling that me and my daughter are experiencing.

Perhaps I shall act in the grand tradition of feminist name reclamation, and reject the patriarchy! Take back my painless uterine contractions, and re-christen (see: Christ, Jesus H.) them. Announcing: Kate Schatz contractions!